2nd October 1867
BREAKING: 1867 Fremantle installs “very long speed bump over water”
Good morning Walyalup! Today in 1867, locals gathered in their finest wool and whiskers to watch a brand-new timber bridge join North Freo to Freo without needing a ferry, a prayer, or a lucky tide. Old mate Constable O’Malley declared it “a marvel,” then immediately told everyone to stop loitering and walk single-file because, quote, “it’s made of trees, not miracles.”
Shopkeeper Elsie lugged a sack of potatoes across just to prove commerce would thrive. Jack the fishmonger wheeled a barrow of whiffy mullet over—prompting a public petition for prevailing winds to blow east forever. Meanwhile, young Archie tried to charge a toll: “One ha’penny or a compliment to me moustache.”
Engineers beamed. The hump in the deck made horses look like they were sailing. “It’s not a hill,” they said, “it’s character,” which is also what they said when the whole thing occasionally creaked like a haunted wardrobe.
On Noongar Country, where the Derbarl Yerrigan (Swan River) crossing has long stories older than any plank, elders watched the fuss and quietly noted: the river has always connected people—bridges just help when you’re carrying potatoes.
By sunset, Elsie sold out, Archie collected three ha’pennies and fourteen moustache compliments, and Freo had a swagger to match its sea breeze. Future upgrades would come and go, but today’s the day the crossing officially went from “maybe later” to “righto, let’s go”—and the city hasn’t stopped crossing paths (and making a racket) since.
* as depicted by AI - may not factually be correct