26th August 2004
On the morning the Perth Convention & Exhibition Centre opened, half the city rocked up to see if the giant beige thing on Mounts Bay Road was a cockroach, a car park, a cruise ship, or a new species of sand dune.
Sheila arrived bright and early, armed with a reusable coffee cup and the sort of optimism you only get before parking prices are revealed.
Inside, the carpet was so new it squeaked like a flock of galahs, and the escalators moved with the confidence of a FIFO chef at a buffet. A dignitary cut the ribbon with scissors big enough to shear a sheep, and the doors whooshed open like a UFO saying g’day.
First up: a “world-class expo,” which turned out to be 87 booths selling ergonomic pens, miracle mops, and a suspiciously enthusiastic juicer. A lady handed out sample jelly beans “flavoured like innovation,” which tasted exactly like jelly beans.
An MC did “housekeeping,” and Sheila and the others clapped when the mic actually worked.
In the grand hall, a speaker clicked to a slide labelled “VISION,” but the projector spat the image onto the ceiling, where it hovered above everyone like the Southern Cross on a PowerPoint pilgrimage.
Lunch was a gourmet sausage roll priced like a small hatchback, chased with a coffee so strong it tried to lodge a development application. A select few won a door prize: a hamper containing three chutneys and a Bluetooth something that still can’t be paired.
By the late arvo, Perth had learned three things:
1) a building can look like a giant beige esky and still be fancy;
2) nothing motivates a crowd like the promise of free mini sausage rolls; and
3) if you give West Aussies a cavern big enough, they’ll fill it—with ideas, coffee, beers and a thousand very determined exhibitors.
As the sun set over the Swan, the Big Beige Cockroach glowed. Perth didn’t just get a convention centre that day. It got a place to put all its big dreams—plus a decent spot to park a thousand utes underneath. Finally, after 20+ years, this cockroach will have its makeover!
* as depicted by AI - may not factually be correct