9th October 1895
ANNOUNCER (Gav): “Good evenin’, Coolgardie! It’s Goldfields FM with your nightly yarns and occasional facts. Tonight’s top story: Bayley Street’s had an absolute shocker.”
REPORTER (Erin), coughing: “I’m standing in what used to be Hinde’s Chambers. The heat singed my eyebrows so hard they resigned. Damo swears he saw the flames from Kalgoorlie—though to be fair, he says that about his mum’s curry too.”
WITNESS (Nonna Jo), dramatically: “I heard a crackle, thought it was the miners celebrating, then—WHOOMPH!—roof sheets flappin’ like pelicans in a headwind. Neighbours ran with buckets, a hand-cart, and three blokes arguing about whose water was the ‘most premium.’”
REPORTER: “Shopkeepers hauled out everything from ledgers to a taxidermied cockatoo. One bloke saved a piano by pushing it down the street—played ‘Waltzing Matilda’ while it rolled. Surprisingly in tune. Less surprisingly, the piano now has anxiety.”
ANNOUNCER: “Authorities say most buildings here are timber with galvanised iron, plus tents and hessian sheds. That’s basically kindling with a postcode. Once the fire got teeth, it took a big bite.”
WITNESS: “But fair play to the town: bucket lines, hammered lids, even the pub put its beer on the line—purely to cool tempers, of course.”
REPORTER: “By dawn, Bayley Street looked like a charcoal etching. Folks were already measuring new verandahs. Goldfields spirit: burn today, build tomorrow.”
ANNOUNCER: “Righto, Coolgardie. Hug your neighbours, check your water barrels, and if a bloke offers to save your piano—ask for scales in C, not F sharp. This has been Goldfields FM—where the dust is red and the news is hotter.”
* as depicted by AI - may not factually be correct